Honesty
by emrys-knight
Summary: How is honesty ever good? "It's definitely not me. It's you." Instead of the cliché. Is honesty useful? Jay's mind ran through it, holding his cough in as the team surrounded the house. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. See, if he were honest, he'd get benched. He couldn't. Not now. Not with this case.


Honesty…

So overrated-

-telling people things they either don't want to know or don't need to know- or how about telling a kid his pet bunny, Senior Fluff-Buns the III, is dead instead of easing their mind with the "We sent him to bunny Disney World to have some fun with other bunnies like him."

How is honesty ever good? "It's definitely not me. It's you." Instead of the cliché. Is honesty useful? Jay's mind ran through it, holding his cough in as the team surrounded the house. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. See, if he were _honest_ , he'd get benched. He couldn't. Not now. Not with this case.

The sensory input was intense. He would have normally been fine. But he was sick. Had been for quite a while, but he'd managed to hide it, but it was becoming too difficult. He was even sicker than he thought. But, being the typical Halstead he was, he stubbornly pressed on, disregarding his labored breathing and intense coughing fits. He'd managed to chalk it up to cold weather drying out his throat to the team. How he managed to sell that load of crap, he had no idea. Maybe if being a cop stopped being an option for him, he could pursue a career as an actor. Something made him feel like it would be possible.

That wasn't the only lie he told. This case was personal. At least, it felt like it. It always did when there was a kid involved. Cops, soldiers, firefighters, doctors and children. Always made things more complicated and painful. Personal.

….

The team made entry, moving through the house swiftly, clearing every room. Jay kicked the side of the couch, making every cop in the living room stare at him. He coughed, grabbing at his chest when the pain became too much. The fit worsened as fast as it started and left just the same.

"You're staring," Jay ended his hand's contact with his chest, straightening his shirt.

When the staring hadn't stopped, he spoke up, again. "Stop."

"It's getting worse, Jay," Hailey crossed her arms, adjusting her stance.

"I-"

"You're not fine, so don't even think about telling me you are."

Jay laughed. He couldn't help it. Upton always seemed to call him on his crap. He needed it- not that he'd ever admit it, though. "What do you want me to say?"

"That you'll go see Ethan once we get this asshole into a cell."

"Dream bigger, 'cus that's not gonna happen. I'm not gonna let him tell me I need to sit behind a friggin' desk for the rest of the case. No way."

"You ladies done? Antonio found some dime bags in the bathroom," Voight didn't bother to stop while he threw the question over his shoulder.

The unit gathered in the large bathroom, taking in the sight of the tens of dime bags on the counter, spread out, full of white powder. Adam stepped forward, picking one up, bringing it to eye level to examine. "What're we looking at, here, boss? Coke? Meth? Something new?" He laughed.

Voight grabbed one of the bags, opening the seal ever-so-slightly, giving a light, distant whiff. "Coke. Top shelf, stuff." Jay huffed. Seriously? They'd just gotten rid of the neighborhood's top drug dealer and nothing changed. The same amount of product was on the streets. Sometimes, being a cop felt pointless. Like shoveling snow while it was still snowing which… was something his dad had made him and Will do when they were in trouble so he knew how bad it was.

"So what're we thinkin'?" Alvin's words snapped Jay out of his thoughts. The older detective took the bag Voight was offering up, "Couple grand's worth?"

"At least." Voight took the bag back, sealing it to toss back onto the counter. "Alright, pack it up!" His gravely voice rolled through the apartment. The uniforms, inside, started moving, packing all of them into evidence containers to bring back to the precinct.

"Ruzek, Atwater, you guys get anything from canvas?" Voight's voice echoed across the tile.

"The vic got in an argument and the neighbor called some uniforms to check it out. They arrested both, let them sober up in the drunk tanks and sent them home the next morning, no charge." Adam crossed his arms, adjusting his stance.

"Yeah, they're looking for the guy, now." Atwater stepped in.

"I want the both of you on it. Find him."

"Yeah, serge." The two left the house, ready to find their target. Jay, Upton, Antonio and Olinsky stayed behind, ready for their own instructions.

"Olinsky: you and I are gonna go talk to the neighbors, see if they know anything else. Antonio, you and Upton are gonna talk to the uniforms who arrested these guys. Halstead, go see your brother. Don't get the unit sick, kid."

"Serge-" Jay tried to protest. Hell, this was a murdered kid case! How was he supposed to go sip coffee and have a chat with his brother while the killer was still on the street, laughing at them, right under their noses?! Okay, maybe it was a serious medical thing and not just sipping coffee, but, dammit; the bastard killed a six-year-old. How was he supposed to just ignore that? Nevertheless, against Jay's argument, Voight stood his ground. "Fine."

:::::::

Jay's coughing fit continued as he walked through the doorway of the ED, looking around for Will between pulmonary stress. Maggie caught sight of the devastatingly attractive, freckled, blue-eyed detective. She strolled over to him, a teasing smile on her face. "Jay. Looking for Will?"

Jay held a shaking finger up to her as his coughing started to subside. When it had, he laughed, giving her a hug. "Yeah, I just need-" Yet another coughing, "To get some pills and leave. I'm workin' a case. Isn't personal, but it kinda feels like it, y'know?"

"Yeah, I do. He's in the breakroom for lunch."

"Thanks, Maggie." The beautiful detective started for the breakroom as Maggie stood behind him, pursing her lips and shaking her head at the self-destructive behavior he was participating in. Him and his brother… More alike than they'd like to admit.

:::::::

"Hey, man," Will smiled, looking up from his phone, finishing the bite of his sandwich. "What're y-"

Jay's coughing fit came with, debatably, perfect timing. When it subsided, he spoke up. "That. That's what I'm doing here."

Will laughed, turning his phone off and sticking it in his pocket. He stood, making his way to his baby brother. "Who made you? Upton?"

"Voight, actually. Just give me some pills for this stupid wet cough and let me go."

"Can't. You're gonna have to get Choi. He's your primary doctor, Jay. And he's not one to prescribe things that fast, and believe me, he won't just let you go. Not with the way you're coughing and the fact it's wet," When Jay started to speak, Will held up a hand, "Your words."

Jay groaned. He started to leave the room to find Ethan when he bent over, violently coughing again. Will's heart dropped to his feet as he watched Jay turn around with half a handful of blood. The look on his little brother's face sent a knife through his stomach. The terrified eyes, the bright red lips… That'd haunt him for the rest of his life, for sure. He called out, begging for someone to come help his brother. Maggie rushed up with multiple nurses, along with Choi with a bed. They gently, yet quickly got Jay up onto the gurney, rushing him down to Baghdad. Cop's treatment.

"Will," Maggie grabbed onto Will's arm, keeping him from following them inside Baghdad. "You can't. You know that." Will turned back to face her, eyes full of fear, struggling to keep himself from yanking his arm out of her hold and rushing in. Dammit, she was right. How was he supposed to just sit back and do nothing to help?! It's his brother, if anything. He's not just some other patient. He's not like the others. He means so much more. He's a hero. He's a genuinely good man. A soldier! A cop! Just cus they're both Halsteads, doesn't mean Jay shouldn't get the best. Not that Ethan isn't good at his job, but… Will knows Jay- knows his history like no other. He thought of a bunch of reasons as to why he'd be the best for his baby brother. He couldn't think of any that'd get him in the room. "Will, you need to go sit down."

"I can't. He's sick. He needs me," Will tried to push through, throwing all MD title and mindset aside. "He doesn't like being alone when he's sick."

"And he's not, Will. Dr. Choi and April are in there taking care of him, taking care of him. He's going to be _fine_." Maggie pulled him through the ED as quick as she could, hiding a smile when she'd gotten Will turned around, knowing the staff were rolling Jay to a testing room.

:::::::

"You read his chart, you know he'll be fine," Connor sat on the couch in Jay's room as the detective slept, rolling his eyes at Will's worrying.

"You didn't see it, Rhodes. Blood came out of his mouth."

"You're right. None of us have ever seen _that_ before." Connor continued to scroll through Reddit on his phone, almost laughing at the joke he'd made.

Will huffed through his nose, trying to keep his smile at bay. "Yeah, I know," He adjusted his position in the recliner, crossing his arms while keeping his eyes on his brother. "It's just… I don't know. I guess it's different when it's your brother."

"I get it. Not the brother thing, but, the whole 'someone you care about' thing."

Will nodded, features perking up when Jay started to stir. He brought himself to the edge of the recliner, bringing a hand up to the side rail of the bed. "Jay? _Jay_." He inched closer.

Jay's blue eyes showed themselves, nearly hidden behind the oxygen mask. Will stood, removing the mask and replacing it with a cannula. Connor side-eyed him from his phone, sitting forward and letting his phone come down. "Halstead…"

"I'm just switching the mask. I'm not 'treating family', Rhodes."

Jay sat up, allowing Will to fix the pillows behind his back. "What happened?"

"You don't remember?" Will sat back in the chair, still at the edge of the seat.

"No, I-I don't remember anything after I saw the blood and showed you…" Jay searched his mind for any hint of what happened. Nothing. Dammit. He almost laughed at the fact that he was pretty used to it. People shouldn't be used to memory loss like that- drug-induced because they were in the hospital sick.

"Jay, you pushed yourself too much. You could have avoided all of this if-"

"You want me to promise it won't happen again?" Jay hated how rude he was being and how rude he was about to be, given how worried Will still looked, but it needed to be said. Right? Well, it was going to, either way. "I shouldn't. I'll tell you 'I promise I won't do it anymore.' And then I'll get sick again and still do it. Why promise? Why waste my breath? Why waste your time?" Okay, that was harsh. Like, really harsh. He already started rehearsing his apology in his head.

Will stood, starting to exit the room behind a very awkward looking Dr. Rhodes who was obviously desperately trying to get out of an awkward situation- an argument between two brothers. The eldest Halstead followed, nearly out of the door.

Jay's heart dropped. He had to make it right. "Will-"

"No, I get it. You're self-destructive and there's nothing I can do to change that." Will hadn't even turned to face him. Ass. Okay, he was wrong to speak to Will like that, dammit. Chalk up another victory to the big brother.

Jay half growled, frustrated at the way the two were fighting. "Will, I'm sorry." No response. "You were right."

Will stopped, turning on one heel to face his little brother, so happy he had caught this unicorn of a chance. He turned, a dramatic eyebrow raised. "I'm sorry, what? I-I don't think I heard you. I was what?" He held in the laugh as best he could.

"You're right. That what you wanna hear, man? I pushed it- more than I should've." Jay let out a deep breath, grabbing for his water, hating the fact he had said it twice. "I promise you- for real, this time- I won't push it that far again. I mean it."

"Good. Finish that water. I'll smuggle some outside food in, for you. A mild sandwich from that bodega down the block."

"Extra jalapenos, no onions?"

" _No jalapenos_. No spicy, Jay. Your stomach needs easy foods for right now. And yes. No onions. Just meat, mayo, lettuce and _maybe_ some cheese."

Jay made a dramatically terrified face. "Please get me cheese!"

Will laughed, turning to leave the room, "Provolone. It isn't too bad."

Jay curled back up into the covers, choosing to sleep while Will was out. It'd probably take him forever. Those were some of the best sandwiches in the city. It'd take an eternity to get through that gigantic line. "Now you're leaving me... prov- _alone_."

Will scoffed at the pun. "That was cheesy, Jay." He stopped, staring straight ahead with a blank face, thinking about the fact he'd actually just said that. He'd actually just used a pun. Unintentionally, sure, but a pun nonetheless.

Jay smiled, watching his brother close the door. He whispered, "I thought it was _gouda_."


End file.
